Match (Retirement) Expectations to Reality
Have you ever headed out on vacation thinking you’ll catch up on all of your reading, lounge in the sun all day, and have fun and loving conversations with your partner? To your dismay it rains on your lounge time, you haven’t finished a single book, and you and your partner find yourselves doing more bickering than laughing.
Bummer, right? What happened?
Without a lens into your specific circumstances, a bit part of what this comes down to is expectations.
Definition:
a belief that someone will or should achieve something. (emphasis mine)
a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
In my world of coaching the word “should” is a red flag. It can be a dangerous thing to cling onto a thought or action that we actually have no control over.
We DO have influence and agency in our own lives to set something in motion that we believe in. For instance, if I expect to finish a book on vacation, I can pack the book and hold myself accountable to carving out time to do so when I arrive. But I can’t control….the rain on my sunny lounging parade or my partner’s desire to fill the day with more adventure than down time.
How does this relate to retirees?
It’s normal to have a vision and a guess of what the future holds. People expect it to go smoothly, and it doesn’t always. Turns out this very new and exciting chapter can come with bumps along the way.
According to the Retire With Possibilities survey in 2023, 51% of retirees either “strongly agree” or “mostly agree” that their transition was smooth. But 70% of preretirees think it will go smoothly!
“With a 19% difference in response rates, a strong potential blind spot for those still working is the reality that the transition into retirement will likely be more challenging than they currently expect. Among individuals yet to retire there was, however, a much greater sense of confidence that things would go smoothly. 70% of respondents still working believe that the transition will go smoothly compared to only 51% of those individuals already living in retirement. That’s a pretty big gap or blind spot between the actual experience and what people expect. Retirees have the benefit of “being there, doing that” and their assessments reflect a humbler approach to what to expect in the transition.
To me, that’s tough to hear. While it’s one thing to be pleasantly surprised and find that something went smoother than you expected, it can feel discouraging and knock off your mojo if it’s more difficult than expected. This doesn’t mean you have to go around expecting the bare minimum that way you can be pleasantly surprised. To me, this simply means, mind the gaps.
Let’s be honest about what we’re approaching and adjust where necessary. “Check the weather” so to speak.
Plan for challenge, rest, and adventure.
Build in solo and together time.
Prepare for things that may rattle you. What would be deemed unpleasant? Unwelcome? Oftentimes knowing what we don’t want to experience helps us chart the course of what we do.
Listen and learn from other retirees. Not because you need to adopt their road map, but because their examples can help you widen your vision of what’s possible and what quicksand you don’t want to fall into.
Expectations can be so helpful in reducing anxiety or excitedly anticipating the future. However, if we go in to a new season with blinders one or not enough preparation. Our default expectations could actually be detrimental to enjoying the experience.
Partnering with a Coach as a neutral sounding board to sort out your expectations, vision, and plan is a valuable way to enjoy the reality you desire.
